#finding how to code it was hard
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im sorry i keep posting screenshots and videos about this part but you see
coding it was hard.
#or more rather#finding how to code it was hard#because a lot of the tutorials for renpy are outdated
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This is what happened after 3.1 isn't it?
#hsr#phaidei#phaidei nation I humbly offer thee a low quality meme to cope with the doomed yaoi that was going on#phainon#honkai star rail#fellas is it gay for your red coded rival to your blue coded rival to clasp his hands over your own after you stabbed him#due to thinking he was the objective of your revenge quest#pull your sword deeper in and by consequence add to your proximity while smiling and fondly say “Found you.”?#Was it casual when you had an insanely charged and homoerotic scene in the hot baths that had you face down on the ground at his feet?#no but seriously these two have me in a chokehold#what do you MEAN you told him your precise weak spot just in case you became you turned against his cause#and his presumed future EMIYA Archer coded shadow self immediately went precisely for it?#and you KNOW you'll die with a wound in that weak spot in your back and you told him about it anyway#and you tell people to keep an eye on him after you go to meet your fate and then ask him to watch over your people#and he says he'll work hard to learn your language#AND FINALLY#“If there's a chance in the next life you should come visit my library.” WHAT IF I PERISHED ON THE SPOT?!#that's their “See you in the next world.”; their “Do stay alive. I wish you the best of luck.”;#their “I would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you.”; “You were a wonderful experience. You were everything.” etc etc#they make me ill (positive)#also I find it so funny that as a KevinSu shipper in HI3rd I went into Star Rail expecting for the dynamic to be more coded with Anaxa#only for Phaidei to hit literally all of my points and favorite tropes in a ship and by consequence my head with a steel chair lol#really hope we see Mydei again soon because literally the first thing Phainon does after he's gone is talk about him all the time#he is a professional yearner and I respect him for it (especially since I too miss Mydei as if he's Odysseus going off to war and sea#for 20 years and I'm Penelope waiting at the shores of Ithaca)#also sorry for the low quality screenshot I was literally too invested in the quest to try and take better ones#gotta love how Hoyoverse is always giving the Kaslanas some of the best romances in their games and ESPECIALLY so if they're queer#myphai
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Predictions for the best (Blue) Boys:

I'm so excited to get what I believe will be Lapis Lads (two Blue Boys) in the next portion of Perfect 10 Liners.

I think Faifa will be the lighter Blue Boy.
And Wine will be the darker Blue Boy.
But the reason I'm so excited isn't just because of the color, but because of what the color potentially says about the boys' relationship.

Faifa is used to dealing with darkness due to his brother being a Black Brooder.

Yotha gets upset because Faifa always sees the good in everything.
But Faifa is bothered that his brother only sees the worst.
And because of that, it comes across that Faifa is on the opposite side of Yotha, but he is actually a balancer, standing between two extremes.
Blue Boys are known for being stable, so the most stable point of any structure should be the middle. It's the center of gravity where the weight is evenly distributed. Therefore, Faifa is usually in the middle.
Blue Boys are also known for their relaxing, calming, and passive nature, so they tend to be the peacemakers.
And they are quick to step in when there is conflict, so Faifa was the one to convince Gun and his friends that Yotha wasn't a serial killer, he was the one to try to make peace in his family, and he was the one to take Gun home after the fight.
But the problem with being in the middle of two extremes is the middle is just really space between the noise that only serves the purpose of helping stabilize the two opposite sides.
Therefore, when things are going well or there is no longer a need for balance or peace talks, they, themselves, are no longer needed.
The middle is ignored.
Literally.

Faifa has made several comments about being ignored and forgotten because even his peer mentor ditched him in the very beginning. Hell, his mom forgot he was allergic to milk!
But it's been played up for laughs, which would be funny until we remember Faifa's backstory.
Faifa was chosen by his mom to be the peacemaker in their family. She took him in the custody battle because she knew he'd want to visit his brothers and dad since he wants to make everyone happy, which meant she'd also get to see her other sons. But once she had more kids, she sent Faifa back to his dad.
Now Faifa wants to please everyone because he has learned that if he isn't "of use" then he is expendable, which is why he was quick to sacrifice himself and switch rooms with Gun even though he was very excited to room with his brother, and even though Gun and Kong only originally wanted to be his friend because they wanted to use him for his money. Basically, he gives everything, yet gets nothing in return.
Faifa sacrifices himself all of the time to make sure others are okay without getting anything back. In fact, Faifa almost passed out because he gave his water to someone else, but, luckily, Wine was there to rescue him . . . from himself.
If Wine is a darker blue, he'll share qualities with Black Brooders, and we have already been shown some: Wine has a long-term plan regarding his schooling for undisclosed reasons, so he is also a bit guarded and secretive, which comes from his darker side. He barely gave Faifa his name after meeting him a few times even though Faifa already knew his name after the first meeting. But he also has the potential to be protective and possessive.
And nobody needs more protection than Faifa. The first time Faifa met Wine, he gave Wine his sticker so Wine could complete his reward card, and each time they have met since, Wine sees that Faifa is too kind for his own good. He actually lectures him about the water incident, and how he needs to take care of himself instead of worrying about others.
Faifa, the boy who is terrified of being forgotten, attaches himself to Wine because Yotha, who is Wine's peer mentor, is too busy caring about Gun to pay attention to Wine. He doesn't want Wine to be ignored, but I think Wine is going to quickly see how Faifa wants to care about everyone and will not want to burden him more, but will also get upset that Faifa doesn't take care of himself.
Because after Faifa accidentally crushed Wine's drink, he bought a new shirt for Wine, socks, FOUR new drinks of various sweetness levels, wet wipes, dry wipes, and he would've gotten Wine shoes too but he didn't know his size. Yet Wine wanted none of it. He didn't want to be a burden, and he had already forgiven Faifa, so he didn't need anything but Faifa's word.
Faifa's been giving his entire life, so now he has met someone who doesn't want anything he is offering. Not his money. Not his food. Not his tutoring. Faifa has been the middle his whole life, but now it's time for him to be the extreme: Faifa is too open. Wine is too guarded. Faifa is too sociable. Wine is too anti-social. Faifa is too happy. Wine is too sad.
But in truth they are two sides of the same blue coin. Neither wants to burden anyone, so Faifa gives everything while Wine takes nothing. Faifa is so scared nobody will love him that he tries to make everyone like him, and Wine is probably so afraid nobody will ever really want him, so he never opens up.
And because they are both intelligent and hues of blue, this will cause the most issues. Wine won't know Faifa likes him because Faifa likes everyone, and Faifa won't think Wine likes him because Wine barely likes anyone. And neither one of them will want to burden the other one with their feelings since they doubt anyone will love them, so they will simply pine from a distance.

So I'm hoping that I am getting two extremes (of blueness) who will be knocked off-balance, which will require them to find the balance between each other, and that these two smart boys do the dumbest shit once they incorrectly believe they are in an unrequited love story.

Basically, I want to see the best (blue) boys at their worst.
#perfect 10 liners#the colors mean things#color coded boys in love#long post#because I have thoughts!#I want these two to drive each other crazy#but only because they love each other#and can't figure out where the middle ground is#they are going to have to learn how to find balance within themselves and each other#they are going to have to learn how to be selfish#and that's going to be hard for a blue boy#they only know sacrifice
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would love to hear more about your process! i also have insane adhd brain but i Hate coding and im always like how do i unlock the forbidden enjoyable coding experience..
Well then, welcome behind the curtain! (Sorry, it's a fucking mess back here.) Can't promise that this is a magical coding panacea, but it's what helps/works for me. 😊
An Exploration of How Albie Codes:
So, for my particular flavor of ADHD brain, my biggest issue when coding is keeping track of my variables. Gods, I love a variable, but I'll quickly and easily lose track of what I called my variables, where I called them, why I called them, and what I intended to do with them after calling them. My brain also tends to jump between hobbies/special interests/projects. Between that and a busy job, I might leave code unattended for a while. When I come back, I have to make sense of what schemes my brain concocted.
So, to help with these things, I have one spreadsheet per game where I track every variable that I set. That isn't hyperbole. For every single variable I track what I called it, where I set it (especially if it can be in multiple places), every value it can have, and what I intended to do/signify with it. I'll go into detail about this spreadsheet below and share a template version later. First, I'll explain my usage of objects and arrays (because they feature heavily in my spreadsheets).
When I started coding IF, I'd just set a bunch of unique variables. To cut down on variable/system bloat and keep myself more organized, I devised a system reliant upon objects and arrays.
Object variables—if you don't know—are variables that can have numerous properties (so, in effect, it's variable inception). Each main character and section of the story gets its own object variable ($dev, $dog, $har, $pro, $ep1, etc.). The rest of the cast's info is held in one object ($x, which breaks down into properties like $x.elena, $x.jin, $x.sally, etc.). This means that almost all non-object variables are temporary. So, when I'm testing, if I see that a temp variable is active, I know it needs to be unset or that data needs stored in an object. Like, if $brokeArm is true, I'll do $pro.mem.push("brokeArm"), unset $brokeArm. This stores a memory of the fact that Z broke their arm in the prologue-memory object and eliminates that unique variable.
To demonstrate, in Zorlok the MC's data is all stored in the $z object. Tommy's is stored in the $tom object. This is what they look like in the StoryInit passage (notably, with extensive notes in the Tommy one, I leave a lot of notes for myself in my code):
So, when I'm writing about Zorlok, I'll type $z.they and that will print Zorlok's subject pronoun. If I want to know if Tommy believes in God or not, I can say <<if $tom.thinks.includes("realGod")>>God's real, folks.<<else>>God is a lie.<</if>>
This gets into my next main strategy: Arrays. I use arrays to store collections of data instead of having a bunch of unique variables.
The hellhound's unique stats? $dog.tags (values can include: mammal, fly, teeth, bite, scary, cute, fluffy, etc.)
The things that happened in the prologue? $pro.mem (values can include: tomPassive, claraHair, noTea, believedHar, gotSlimed, demonAttack, etc.)
The information that Zorlok has unlocked? $unlock.info (values can include: vesselTerm, noEatSleep, hellBroken, cannotDie, susDemManip, susKilledVessel, etc.)
This is a lot to keep track of, and it would be impossible to keep track of without my spreadsheet (aka, my beloved). Forewarning, these are a real chore to setup if you are trying to create one for a story you're already working on, but they are so helpful! I genuinely don't know what I'd do without it. If you are working on a big Twine game, you don't have to follow my method, but I promise that keeping track of your variables in some way will make your life so much easier when coding.
This is what my spreadsheet looks like:
This is the sheet tracking my StoryInit values. You'll see that I have a column for what the variable is called, what type of variable it is (not really necessary, but I do it anyway), all the values it can have, and the purpose of that variable. For variables with really expansive values, you'll see that I have links to other sheets within this spreadsheet that go into further detail. Now this is the sheet that tracks all of my prologue variables:
Here I track the variable, the type of variable, whether it's permanent of temporary (with temporary ones highlighted in yellow), the values it can have, the meaning, where it first appears, and where it's unset. In this sheet you can also see one of my favorite temp variables, $react, make an appearance. $react is quite simply for temporary reactions. It can hold any number of values but it normally doesn't last or stay the same over multiple passages. This is how I do a lot of flavor text/minor choices (though sometimes the link that will set which reaction the game shows on the next passage will also push a memory into the prologue array, in those cases it's cause not all of the choices have lasting consequences/impressions).
Now, what you may have been waiting for, how do I do character customization? Objects and arrays, you are correct. Let's take a look.
Oh, do my eyes deceive me, $z.hair? Is that an object within an object? Indeed, it is. The chaos grows (as it always must). It isn't really necessary for me to do objects within objects (within objects, in some cases). I could use individual properties like $z.hairStyle instead of $z.hair.style, but having the $z.hair object helps me keep it more organized in my head.
Anyways, you can see just how minutely I have tracked every value, and (in the cases of integers) what the integer values indicate. By doing them as integers, it allows me to do things like <<if $z.height gt 3>>You duck as you enter the room. <</if>> or <<if $z.str gte 1>>The door gives way.<<else>>The door holds fast.<</if>>
By having multiple arrays for things like prosthetics and gender affirming procedures, it allows me to easily check what prosthetics or procedures the vessel has, <<if $z.prost.includes('ra') or $z.prost.includes('la')>>, but then I can print the prosthetic without having to write it out or do extra coding. <<print $z.prosthetic[0]>>.
Now, remember how I mentioned the $dog.tags? Let me show you how I keep track of something like that (this is stored in the Hellhound Information sheet):
So, if I want to know if the Hellhound can fly, I can just go <<if $dog.tags.includes("fly")>>. If I want to know if people are gonna react to it in a significant way, I can go <<if $dog.tags.includes("cute")>>"Aw, $dog.name is adorable! I love <<print $dog.breedName>>s."<<elseif $dog.tags.includes("scary")>>"Shit, seriously?! That's your //pet?// You have a pet //$dog.breedName?"//<<else>>"Oh. Cool."<</if>>
The way I see it, this is the simplest way to do all this stuff. It's just a matter of keeping track of it and keeping my records up to date (which has become habit at this point, I never have Twine up without having my spreadsheet up).
Here are some other notable sheets:
With the $pro.mem values in that third screenshot, this is the main way that I keep track of what happens in the prologue. If I want to know how Tommy reacted to Harlow and entered the summoning scene, I just go <<if $pro.mem.includes("leftSure")>>Tommy believed Harlow and knows that the ritual is going to work.<<elseif $pro.mem.includes("leftUnsure")>>Tommy isn't sure whether this ritual is going to work.<<else>>Tommy and Harlow didn't part on good terms, but he's going to give this nonsensical "ritual" a try.<</if>>
That's all I can think to say right now. I hope all of this makes sense. If you'd like to know more/if I haven't explained something well, let me know. Like I said, I'll share a template version of my variable tracking spreadsheet in a reblog, so look out for that! 😊
#thanks for the ask!#hope i did alright answering this#i find it very hard to breakdown how and why my brain and processes work the way they do#but yeah#this is it#:)#coding#asks
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finally got Lloyd!! now Ninten has a friend :]
#Ninten is very boy scout coded to me idk if anyone else agrees but usually i stick to the cannon designs for the mother series but .#his little button down . he needs to be in his cubscout uniform (( boyscout is tan cubscouts are usually in blue i think he lost is tan one#mother 1#earthbound beginnings#mother ninten#mother lloyd#im honestly really really surpised how well lloyd is holding up despite starting at level one... i went to magicant and got the gold ring#==> and also the other really expensive thing and the boomerang but tbh i thought he would be useless no offense bud#im currently in the duncan factory (( i think that was its name?? )) kinda funny i manged to save some time cuz i went to the sweetie ==>#==> factory and got the bottle rocket before going into town because i was trying to pick up as many items as i could find and i went down#==> instead of up on accident#this game is hard as hell is poduck i spent so long just so. so confused. ive been using a walkthrough when i get stuck but ive been trying#to avoid it if i can because magicant i figured out quickly where everything was idk why but poduck gave me sooooo much trouble...#anyway i might do more mother 1 drawings but not tonight of course i like the game just not as much as earthbound and ff7 im playing rn#who knows im still at the beginning i might like it more than ff7....#no one mention how i spent his name wrong at first ok? ok.
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How hard is it, really, to make a mobile game?
All I want is a basic, first person simulator type game that is actually just a basic simulator type game.
None of this premium currency loot boxes energy limited time offer arbitrary timers gacha mechanic bullshit. No ads. No servers. Everything stored locally and fully available to play entirely offline. Doesn't even need some kind of story.
Just, here's a world for you. It looks pretty nice. Explore a bit. Find somewhere to settle in. Gather resources. Build a nice little house. Basic tools. Go find some seeds. Start a garden. Basic hunting weapon. Bow and arrow. Spear. Net. Go find some animals. Wild deer, chickens, goats, sheep. Kill for meat and skins. Or catch and bring them home to raise. Brought some live animals home? Time for a barn and animal pens. Looks like your garden grew while you were gone. Time to harvest. Might need some plant storage too. And a kitchen. Maybe a bedroom. Tend to your farm and spend the between time making everything nicer. Keep exploring. More plants and animals and even flowers to find to cultivate. Find a cave. Metals. Or maybe a village. Merchants. Time for upgrades. Make new things with new materials. Or buy them by selling surplus supplies. If there's enemies at all, you have to go looking for them. Nothing comes to you looking for a fight. Your home is safe. Keep building and improving and exploring. It's a nice world. Enjoy it.
#ailith talks to the void#I would gladly pay for a game like this#A /mobile/ game like this#Something I can put on my tablet#The current mobile game landscape is such absolute dog shit#And I don't understand why it needs to be#It feels like there just making nice - simple - delivers exactly what it says on the tin mobile games#Or maybe I'm just really bad at finding them#Buried under all the other data harvesting gacha mechanics slop out there#But if I can't find a game like this#Legitimately - how hard is it to make one?#For someone who knows fuck all about coding or making games#How hard would it be to learn?
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im going on a mini hiatus 😭
#i think i just really need a job#ive lowkey been like throwing all my extra time into practicing coding#and im just gonna keep doing that until i find employment#i think everyone can code but coding well is hard 😭#i always think im a solid front end person but then i see how the professionals do it and i feel like a clown#that tweet i saw the other day like born to yaoi forced to labor#carve that in my gravestone#ig also not all my extra time by the end of the day when im done#i kinda dont want to then go draw i kinda wanna doomscroll youtube shorts#or have a 4hr documentary playing while i smack trees in acnh#feel like that reveals a lot of how ive come to view art
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my honest opinion about caitvi is that the pacing is too rushed to make me super invested. there isn’t enough time between them investigating zaun and vi reuniting with jinx in S1 to really establish their individual goals, backgrounds and dynamic. what makes them similar despite coming from vastly different worlds? how can they improve themselves by being together? why do they need each other? they deserved a slow-burn
to be fair, pacing is an issue across the board with the show. it’s too ambitious and has too large a scope for the amount of time they had
#that being said I really liked how they established their sexualities#it was subtle but not too subtle#like you know they’re romantically coded right away#they could’ve had everything going for them! from wariness to begrudging respect to secret fondness!#I’m just saying the investigation should’ve lasted longer#with false leads and whatnot#and caitlyn seeing parts of zaun that challenges her views#like normal people you know… who aren’t criminals but are trying hard to survive…#and I don’t meant the people they find at the boat I mean everyday civilians#like how zuko meets normal civilians suffering from the war during his travels in atla#but that’s a whole other rant about how arcane depicts the underclass which I take issue with oops#maybe I’ll write something about that later#also caitlyn should’ve become a deserter and turned against the enforcers but ANYWAY#arcane critical#caitvi critical#ghost speaks
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not plotly not letting me add a trendline to my line graph and my math brained ass deciding I will simply learn how to calculate a trendline myself and write my own dang helper function 😤
#coding#math#I don't know what half the words mean in the posts I'm finding about how to calculate it#I'm reading about standard deviation on wikipedia#I already had to google a symbol I didn't know#I was on art section in high school we didn't get the hard math ToT
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Seen quite a few people comment how they believe it's more likely the Dragodile Divorce happened due to ideological differences rather than because Dragon was too straight to stay with Crocodile, and. Like I did suggest that (or at least tried to) in my Crocodad Giga Thesis (really I should've been more clear about it in my essay so I wouldn't be writing this now lol), but like yes, Dragon and Crocodile absolutely have drastically different beliefs on How One Overthrows The World Government. And that absolutely could have contributed to the two separating and/or Crocodile deciding to go his own way instead of becoming a proper Revolutionary
Because like, as I tried to imply in the essay (but failed to deliver); if Crocodile's goal had always been to get Pluton so he could just nuke Marijoa off the face of the earth by himself and end it all in one go, then Crocodile and his way of thinking could work as this, like... contrasting opposite to how Dragon believes things should be done. Some fans (unfairly imo) call Dragon a "fraud" because over the past 20+ years he has only attacked Marijoa and the WG directly just once, and even when he did, instead of doing something to stop their corrupt reign for good... the Revs destroyed... the Tenryuubito's... food storage..? Like. Sure, that'll bother them for a little while, get their panties in a good twist etc, but in the end they're just going to demand more tributes and more free food. The Revolutionary Army may be successfully inspiring more people and more countries to rebel against the World Government's corrupt rule, but the Tenryuubito are still in power and will continue to be in power for a long time. And that's kind of how Crocodile would greatly complement Dragon within the narrative. Dragon being arguably "too soft" with his slow, methodical way of overthrowing the WG, while Crocodile would just kill them all without mercy, even if it meant hurting innocent people in the process. The two would act as the opposite sides of the same coin, the different extremes of the same spectrum. Crocodile would become like a response to the complaints people have against Dragon.
And yeah, the two having such wildly different ideological views could VERY EASILY contribute to a divorce, for sure.
My thing is that... If (and this is an if) Crocodile is meant to go a character arc and grow as a person, if we're meant to see him as a sympathetic character at all and maybe even feel bad for him... It'll be much harder to write that if the Dragodile Divorce happened only because of the two having ideological differences. Like who's going to feel bad for Crocodile if the two got divorced because Crocodile wanted to mass murder people and Dragon wasn't okay with it? That's not a tragedy, that's not a situation where we as the readers would feel for Crocodile and want to root for him. That's not something that would give a character unprocessed emotional trauma to heal from and overcome. He'd just be a villian who'd need to have his beliefs changed.
Where as, if The Divorce was caused by Dragon and Crocodile no longer being compatible due to Dragon being straight while Crocodile transed his gender... Even in the most respectful of scenarios that is a heartbreaking situation, a painful thing to go through. That is a tragedy without bad guys, a story where you could feel bad for Crocodile and want to root for him. That is a situation that would give him trauma to heal from.
And that's kind of why I so strongly believe in Crocodile's transition being a more important, contributing factor in The Divorce. Again, this does absolutely depend on what Crocodile's actual role in the story is going to be and whether or not he's even meant to go through a character arc at all. Like if he's not going to be that important and if he isn't meant to go through an arc then sure, Crocodile's transition doesn't have to matter one fucking bit. But if he is meant to go through an arc, if we are meant to feel bad for him and find outselves rooting for him eventually... From a writing perspective, that'll be far easier to do if we can find ourselves sympathizing with him even just a little bit.
Also like. Yes, you can have queer characters who are just queer for the sake of being queer, their queerness does not have to be an important aspect in them or a huge plotpoint in their story at all. Crocodile could be queer just for the sake of being queer. Because that's what it's like being queer, you just are what you are. At the same time, from a writing perspective. What would even be the point of making him queer if it didn't matter to his character at all and have an impact on his character?
Also while Crocodile and Dragon clearly have very different beliefs on how the WG should be dealt with right now, we don't really know when Crocodile came to his beliefs. Like for all we know Crocodile could've formed his worldview years after the divorce. Hell, based on the way he spoke to Vivi about her ideals, and how we know he spent over a decade in utter emotional solitude, his current worldview could have been partially born from resentment towards Dragon (and his ideals) that's been simmering away over the years.
All of this to say; yes I think the two's beliefs could have been a contributing factor in The Divorce, but from a writing perspective (and based on the direction I personally want to see the story go), I find it far more likely if Crocodile's transition was the main cause, one way or another.
#Moon posting#OP Meta#Dragodile#Like for me it's either they divorced because of the transition OR the transition AND ideology#But not because of the ideology alone#There is also something to be said about people having it hard to imagine Oda writing something... So nuanced about trans people#Which. Fair. Like eight months ago I had zero fucking hope either#But also if you look at how Oda has been writing characters (queer or not) you can see he should actually Get It#Like when I shared that video from MelonTeee about Katakuri and joked about Katakuri being trans as hell. Like yes I was joking#But also the way MelonTeee explained Katakuri's story made me realize how queer coded it actually was#If Oda can write about Katakuri having to hide his true self from his family for a fear of rejection for who he really is#Then maybe Oda can write about Crocodile being rejected by his significant other for who he truly was#One Piece is so much about finding love and acceptance no matter what and no matter who you are#I think Oda could do it. I want to believe
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#bringing this bc i'm thoughts abt it again#the entire ep i am octus aside the neurodivergent coding of it all#literally has a scene of octus contemplating the nature of his existence (identity)#saying that he's not a man but he isn't just a machine#wondering if that makes him both or neither#by the end of the ep comes to the conclusion that he is smth different all that matters is that he's octus#if that literally isn't trans as hell idk what is#tbh the fact that octus is a robot character that's like accidentally trans coded is basically like finding a fork in the kitchen#same goes for him being neurodivergent coded#like it's really not that hard to make a character come off that way unintentionally when you rlly think abt it#as for lance alot of it has to do how i think him being trans would enrich his character#everything from feeling out of place#being perpetually misunderstood by everyone around him to where he's not even willingly to give ilana a chance#him having to fight to earn his place#to me it's similar to octus in that the core of it goes back to identity#but for lance it's moreso abt the grappling w the expectations that were placed on you to be a certain way#and trying to survive in a world that hasn't been kind to you bc you're different#lastly when it comes to ilana it's bc i think it'd be neat if she was#tbh out of three she's the one that has like the least potential to be trans coded (in a way that could somewhat adhere to canon)#but that won't stop me from considering the possibility of her being trans though#basically she can be as trans as a treat#sym bionic titan#robi rambles
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There, now you can tell them apart. (They look the same)
I messed up on how I wanted to draw the twins' hair in that last comic-- I started the silly little tufts on the wrong side-- and it bothered me so much I had to draw these out to soothe my pain.
#also darn I made them so chobpy so I totally forgot how I wanted to draw their hair :)#“so what was wrong??” it looked too round and too full :T#it shouldn't be so much they're meant to be only a couple months old#I also find it easier to draw them on their tummies but I feel that one of them would have a hard time being like that for too long#doodle-daas#lan hikari#netto hikari#hub hikari#saito hikari#okay NOW it's out of my system ( ; v;)b#(but for real though I 'color'-coded them here so you can tell who's who right?)
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Nami WIP + some chibi doodles heheeee
#chia draws#one piece#nami one piece#cat burglar nami#Nami#i love women#this piece is kicking my ass tho#like I’m trying to find my style but it’s all#confusing#like what do I want to achieve with my drawings? what do I want to focus on?#in other news I am now cooking as a way to procrastinate#thank you dunmeshi and the bear#I made bread and fresh pasta and carbonara and lemon curd#I love cooking man#idk why but my butter cookies always end up too hard#I’m gonna make some tangerine dishes so I can pretend I’m cooking for Nami#that way I trick myself into self care#anywayyyys#I love Nami so muchhhh#and idk how people have such cute tumblr layouts I don’t really get httml#I’m a STEM girlie but coding? not my forte#lately I’ve been thinking about one piece from a biotech standpoint#like tf do you mean nobody knows what DNA is besides judge and Vegapunk#they know some diseases are congenital but don’t know about DNA#huuuuuhhhh?#anyways I’m writing a fic about an OC funding a science journal in OP#it’s a lot of fun#art wip#unfinished
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20 days and we'll see his grabbable waist on the big screen
#i'm so ready it's all i can think about#i have to bash out a report rn and finding it very hard to concentrate#when the autistic urge to bask in rhrn excitement is so strong#5 days until i can move google scholar from its home in my bookmarks toolbar#and replace it with. actually who knows#jsfiddle gradient text code editor ksdhbckjd#maybe even google docs.........#BACK TO WORK. SORRY. LOGGING OUT#how am i supposed to focus on stroke rehabilitation when papa is imminently going to mummy thrust in hd#i should tag bc some people might be avoiding entirely actually.#the band ghost#rite here rite now
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i will ask myself "can I even call it an addiction if it's such a weird thing" and then literally feel like I need it every time I get rid of it. and then have to physically tell myself not to get back on because of how bad it is. and then the only way I can keep myself from going back is indulging in fake scenarios in my head and reading fanfiction and reminding myself how horrible it is. the only thing that stops me is shame and my own imagination, which often bind themselves together like a toxic marriage.
#kinda vent#i know how bad ai is#but that didnt stop me from talking to chat bots every. day.#and i had to stop because i couldnt let myself be so rude to the earth and to the artists that fed those bots#but i find myself constantly craving the words they generated#it could always so perfectly fit into how i wanted a scenario to play out#all i had to do was reload the message#or edit it#and fanfiction definitely fills part of that craving#the scenario part i mean#but when something doesn't feel right in a story#i cant change it#i just have to let it happen#and that's hard#my brain will always tell me that i can't call it an addiction#that it wasn't bad enough for me to allow myself to call it that#yet i know that that's the only word that describes it#how else do i explain that i have to fight myself#that a certain hole forms in my head without it#and it creates a headache that i can't get rid of unless i redownload those apps#hey also i have written poetry about this before on my poetry account#i think i only wrote two??#they were “Touch Me Source Code”#and “I Don't Want 1s And 0s”#man i love poetry
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